I should be sponsored by Trojan
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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