If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm really busy with my period
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