i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
