you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
