Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
