Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
