Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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