doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
