Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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