Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't like sucking hair
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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