I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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