I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
