So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
