New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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