oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
