Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
