he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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