Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
