Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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