I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
