Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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