So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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