I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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