May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
