I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
