so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
