I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
