i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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