were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
