I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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