either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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