dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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