You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
