I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We left an ass print on the piano.
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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