Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
