You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
True strength comes from lack of pants
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
