i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
