Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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