"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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