I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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