Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
