So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
