I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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