Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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