Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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