Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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