nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
