sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
