No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
