Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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