I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My vagina is officially offended.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
