You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
