Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
