No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
