my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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