respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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