she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
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I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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