new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
