Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
