Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
