in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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