I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
