so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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