the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
