i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
