But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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