I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
