I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
