Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
this boner is exhausting
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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