Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
