do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
