Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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