You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
