just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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