I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
