So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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