what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
